Adventures in making and raising our test-tube babies

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Baby-making in the Blogosphere

My dear friend "Bzzgrrl," whom I know by another more vowelly name in real life, has begun musing on her blog ( about privacy and chronicling one's life on the Internet. Her thoughts and my web-surfing have made me think a lot about what I'm putting out here, and why.

When you start looking, the Internet is full of people sharing their stories about wanting babies. I can't imagine how many blogs and websites there must be out there overall, because the number on this topic alone is staggering. My friend Ashley inspired me with her own blog,, which was designed to both update her friends and family on their treatment status, and to address the things that people did and didn't know about infertility. The benefit of the blog format is that you can aim your comments at individuals, but couch them in a "for everyone's information" tone.

Ashley encouraged me to create a blog of my own, and it has been tremendously therapeutic for me. It has both brought me out of my isolation, and allowed me to share the interesting details with people I love. I have really come to think of this as a fascinating trip, with amazing pieces and counterintuitivities that I think anyone would like to know. Treating the topic as "fascinating" or even just funny lets me not think of it as a cross to bear.

The public aspect of the blogosphere is a nice addition to the idea of just communicating with people I already know and love. I find myself writing for people that I don't know, just as much as I write for my intimates. When you open yourself up to dialogue with strangers, you tap into a wonderful world. Putting links on blogs makes that happen very easily. One can follow the links of these chains and find like-minded (and dislike-minded) people one would never find in real life. That has opened my eyes to the very broad spectrum of infertility and reproductive technology more than I ever expected.

When I got several comments from a woman who calls herself "Laughing4Heir," I Google-searched her and found her new blog: Her story deals with miscarriages and makes me realize that my goal, conceiving a baby, is just the start. Another woman writes on her website, the Fortune Cookie Follies, at the address Do you recognize "Luck be a Baby"? A play on a "Guys and Dolls" song. MY GOD: she combines a show tune AND a pun (!) and unfortunately, the you-wouldn't-have-thought-it difficulties she's been going through as she tries to adopt. A blog at has -- gasp -- a man's perspective! Meanwhile, has a very long list of links to infertility blogs. To my delight, the author has categorized them by which of their authors have now become pregnant, which have their much-awaited babies now, and which are still waiting.

So what do we have there? We have a lot of information about infertility in general, and how one deals with different aspects of it. These blogs are intensely personal in that they splay the authors' hearts across the screen. They allow others to learn and empathize and put their own problems in perspective. Sometimes they lead to actual connections between actual people. Sometimes they just lead to a sense of community, which I can tell you is very valuable.

Granted, most people don't use their real names on their blogs, but some do. I do, you'll notice. I had already set myself up with a blogging account for my business ( and, and those used my real name. I guess I didn't create a separate anonymous account because I wasn't shy enough. To date, I haven't put anything online here that I wouldn't say at a conference of a thousand people. (In fact, if you know of any speaking gigs, you know I'd love that!) Maybe that's one reason I am not concerned about the privacy aspect of putting this stuff online. If someone wants to egg my house, well, that would be too bad. (And to the moms out there, remember that our address is unlisted). But if someone wants to talk to me about the ethics of IVF, even in person, don't you know I'd go bounding up to them like a golden retriever, panting with anticipation of making another connection.

I discussed this with my co-worker yesterday and wondered aloud why I wasn't worried about Internet/real life privacy. She said, "Maybe it's because you haven't written anything you're ashamed of." Huh. What do you know. Me? Shameless?

Tee hee.


Tracy said...

This is a really good post, and something I have been thinking about lately.

I use my real first name, but not my last name or my kid's real first name. When I first started writing I didn't use my husband's first name, but now I do (mostly because it was too hard for me to remember not to).

My concern has typically been that I didn't want my coworkers or family to find me online. I thought that knowing they read my blog would censor what I wanted to write. I wanted to let out all my crazies that I don't necessarily share with them. Although when I write I keep in my they MAY find it one day, so I do still censor myself some...

DAVs said...

Well, Lee named our blog and so obviously we weren't too worried about using our real name-it's right there in the title! Plus we started it to inform family and friends...but there have definitely been times I've edited or scaled back because I know who's reading. Not in a bad way...but there have been some times I've wanted to let the expletives fly (Seinfeld reference if anyone is nerdy like me). Kay, I'll keep an eye out for speaking engagements for you :)

Whitney Moore said...

I want to testify to everyone on how my husband and i got children after our 5years of marriage. we got married and we could not conceive a child we have been to several hospitals for checking and the doctors always say that we are okay that nothing is wrong with us, we have been hoping for a child, my husband was beginning to keep late night outside and pressure from the family for him to marry another wife and divorce me, i was always crying and weeping because i was loosing my marriage. so i visited my friend in Florida and she told me that she also have been through this same situation but she got her help of getting her own child from a great priest of fertility, so she told me that she will connect me to the priest and he will do some fertility spell for me to have my own child, i spent 4days with her in Florida and we both email the priest and he said i should bring all my information to him and he said in 2days after the spell will be completed. so i waited and i went back made love with my husband and i conceive. so i am very greatful to the priest for his help and miracle that help me save my marriage. please for same help, conatct him on