We just don't get along. When I see glucose, I run the other way. But not before pouring salt on it and watching it shrivel like a slug. I think glucose has had a terrible effect on our nation's economy and democratic process, and is contributing to the erosion of the Ozone layer.
As you can see, I'm glucose-intolerant.
Or so they tell me. I flunked my 28-week Glucose Tolerance test this week. It may be because I'm in Week 29, or may be because I ate a banana two minutes before I began the test. I found out several days after the test that I was supposed to have fasted for 12 hours before I got tested, but anyone who sees me can see there is nothing fast about me right now. And boy, did I need that banana!
The test is composed of my drinking a sweet orange beverage that tastes like off-brand Kool-Aid, then waiting an hour and having my blood drawn and analyzed. The analysis tells us whether I have gestational diabetes or anemia. Or rather, it tells us whether they can be ruled out. They can't in my case. Maybe because I ate before the test, maybe because I'm really diabetic and/or anemic, and maybe because I'm so intolerant on the subject of glucose. Bellicose on glucose. Belly-cose.
So next week, for Christmas, I am going to take the 3-hour Glucose Tolerance test. I fast, presumably, then have my blood drawn, drink the orange beverage, and have my blood tested every hour after that, for three hours.
And so, just in case it helps the results, I want to say for the record that what I said about glucose up there wasn't true. I love glucose. God knows I love all sugars (in spite of my troubled relationship with lactose). As far as I know, glucose has not affected our country or planet in the ways I listed above, and I do NOT advocate pouring salt on it. Or on slugs.